This past Mother’s Day was the first Mother’s Day without my mom. Surprisingly, I handled it pretty well. I spent the entire day with my beautiful wife, celebrating her with some movies, food, and a couple gifts. It was a great day all around and I am so happy I was able to pull it off without breaking down, because let’s be honest, my mom being gone was on my mind the entire day. I knew I had to be strong, this day is not about me or about my loss, it’s about celebrating the amazing mother of my two crazy kiddos.
After waking up just before my wife I went upstairs and woke up the kids and had them help me wrap the Mother’s Day gifts they made and helped me pick out. We ended up making an adorable photo book with lots and lots of photos from last year. The kids also made a bunch of cards and pictures to fill up her gift bag. When she finally woke up we surprised her with her presents and then we relaxed and watched some movies while finishing up a couple of illustration projects we were working on the night before. For lunch we ventured down to Jersey Mike’s (we really need one closer) and enjoyed a ridiculously delicious sandwich.
The kids were amazing all day, they picked up after themselves, didn’t fight, and even went to bed on time. It was a pretty good day, although the weather sucked, it was a nice day celebrating an amazing mother.
By the end of the night I was exhausted and ready to crash. We had a full day and it was time to shut down. What sucked was that it took me forever to fall asleep. Laying there quiet it’s easy to get into your own head and have those thoughts that you have held back all day just unleash themselves on your mind, of course right before it’s time to sleep too. So I ended up sleeping like crap. I woke up tired and groggy. Whatever, I will push through and own Monday!
I still miss my mom as I am sure I always will. It just kind of sucks sometimes. Like recently, I really needed someone to talk to and I pretty much had no one. I had to solve my problem on my own. It’s not the first time nor will it be the last time, but it was harder this particular time because mentally, I had to push through.
Even at 37 years old I still needed advice from an “adult” and that person I wanted to talk to was not there and I need to remember that they will never be there again. My self-doubt will be all over the place while I figure out how to put my shattered self back together. In the end I am sure I will be okay, but it takes time, a clear head, and being honest with myself. Which I am trying to do, but I got to tell you, it’s hard. A mom is the one that tells you that your crappy drawing is a work of art and hangs in on the fridge, she boosts your confidence even when you’re acting a fool. I miss my mom, and while I made it through Mother’s Day, I know it’s not going to get any easier not having her around and I will continue to do my best in making sure she is never forgotten.